


Vivus

by KatieTaylor



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:45:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3815989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieTaylor/pseuds/KatieTaylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder finds Samantha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vivus

**Author's Note:**

> (Wasn't sure whether or not to repost this one. Don't like the ending very much but, meh. Here you go! Original header and end notes. It's interesting to see how I've progressed since I started writing fan fic back in the 90s. All I've done to these pieces is fix typos and formatting.)
> 
> Date sent: Mon, 19 Jan 1998 15:20:15 +0100  
> DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me!  
> SPOILER WARNING: Minor reference to DB/Ascension/OB Leonard Bettes & Momento Mori NEVER HAPPENED!  
> RATING: PG-13  
> CONTENT WARNING: MSR/Angst  
> CLASSIFICATION: S/RA  
> SUMMARY: Mulder finds Samantha.
> 
> Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, Samantha & Co. belong to Surfer-Boy & Co. Ne sue pas. (Please excuse my sorry excuse for French.)

"Hey mom, it's Fox. I was just checking to see if there was anything you needed." He didn't know why he bothered introducing himself as 'Fox' who else would be calling her 'mom'? Unless there was something he should know.

"Well, actually, I decided to sell the old house. But it needs a new fence. I kept after your father to do it, but he never did."

"Your wish is my command!" He put the phone down. He usually called his mother once or twice a month, to see if there was anything she needed done. The normal answer was 'no'.

He turned to his partner sitting next to him in their basement office at FBI Headquarters.

"Hey Scully, want to help put up a new fence tomorrow?"

"Sure."

*********************

It was now early afternoon the next day. Mulder thought they had been doing good. One side had been completely replaced and Scully had painted it. Now they were both taking a break, and then he would start the back part, bordering a forest. Scully approached him from the house.

He leaned across the fence and gave her a quick kiss. He took the lemonade she offered and devoured it almost in one gulp.

"Hey, Dana, great lemonade."

"Thanks," she said. "No big deal, though." She sipped her own, looking at him over the rim of her glass. He smiled and started back to work.

On his way to the other end of the fence, he tripped over a small hill about a foot a way from the fence. Not very big: long in length, but not very high. he decided to try to level it out and then re-seed it the next day.

The second pile of dirt he tossed away with his shovel revealed a canvas bag. It looked like it had once been white, but was now black from it's years buried in the dirt. He opened it and pulled out a girl's pink nightgown.

 

Samantha had been wearing a nightgown like this the night she had been taken. Because the piece of clothing had been sealed in the bag, it was still the same brilliant pink it had been that night. He let the shovel drop from his hand and he fell to his knees, pushing dirt away until it revealed a skull, with a cloth around the mouth.

"Scully! Get a forensics team out her NOW!" Without question, she went for the cel phone in Mulder's leather jacket, and dialed a well remembered number. Then she hopped the fence and ran to Mulder's side in time to see him brush dirt away from a once broken, since healed collarbone, and caress it. Mulder buried his face in his black hands. Scully put a hand on his back.

"Fox?"

"It's her, Dana. It's Sam. She was here the whole time."

*********************

When the skeleton had been dug up, they saw her wrists and ankles tied together with wire. Fox sat next to the skeleton. He had drawn the sheet down and was staring at the left collarbone, caressing it with his fingertips.

Scully came into the room and walked towards him, a folder in her hand. She rested a hand on his shoulder to let him know she was there, then slid it down his arm to take his hand in hers.

"Fox?"

"Yeah?" He looked up at her, the other hand still running alone the bone. She saw anger, more at himself than at the people who had taken her, and pain. They had always been there--even in their happiest times together she had seen them there--but now they were all she saw. She wondered how long it would be before she saw anything else, especially after everything she had to tell him. She didn't want to say the words.

"Fox, it's her. It's Samantha." He nodded. She hadn't needed to tell him that part. he had known it was her since he pulled the nightgown out of the bag. He took his fingers off Samantha, propped his head in his hand. 

Dana knelt beside him. She had never known Samantha and she had tried to take on a professional manner as soon as she had seen the skill in the dirt. But it hadn't worked.

Mulder reached up and took Samantha's locket out from under his shirt and held it. He had found it and some other things in with her nightshirt. He remembered the locket, but had never seen the pictures inside--if there were any. Samantha had never even let her parents open it. Earlier, while waiting for Scully, he realized why. The pictures were of himself and Sam. She couldn't have admitted that she actually like her brother! It was the first and last time he had smiled since finding the bag of clothes. He had  
put it around his neck (it had been quite big for Samantha) like he had with Scully's cross when she had been missing.

Scully saw him swallow hard. "I need you to tell me everything."

She hesitated. would it really help him to know? The only reason she continued was because she knew if she didn't, he would just read the report himself. She tried her best professional voice. If this was how it was affecting her, how would it affect him? She read the report. Mulder's heart broke more with every word. Bones broken several times with no evidence of medical treatment. The wire around her wrists and ankles had been tied to tightly it cut into the bones at places. She had been tortured. Scully paused in her reading.

"From the extent of the injuries visible on the skeleton, we are sure there was more abuse than we are able to detect. Fox, she died in the middle of 1974, from a severe blow to the head." With each piece of information she told him, his grip on her hand became tighter and tighter, like someone who was in extreme physical pain. She thought when she told him when Samantha died, he would crush her hand. But instead, he pushed her away and stood up quickly, releasing his hold on the locket.

He looked down at Samantha. "Half a year." He said quietly. Mulder pulled the sheet back over her. He told her he loved her, he missed her, and he was sorry. He also said he was glad the son of a bitch who did this to her was dead--Scully didn't understand that part; and he would see her soon--that scared her. Then he started to pace.

"Mulder, maybe you should go home, get some rest."

"Yeah."

"I'll see you at home later?"

"Whatever." He said as he walked out of the room.

*********************

She had gone to their apartment, but he wasn't home. Eventually he called.

"Mulder?"

"Scully. Um, I'm at the hospital in Greenwich."

"What happened?"

"I killed my mother."

*********************

Scully had driven as fast as she could to Connecticut. Mulder hadn't said anything to her when she arrived. She found a doctor and was told Mrs. Mulder died of a heart attack. She drove Mulder home--she and her mother would come another day to pick up his car.

Night had fallen long ago and Mulder sat on the couch, squeezing the locket in his hand.

"Mulder, what happened?" He didn't look up.

"I told her about Samantha. About how she lived for more than six months. Then I got angry because she never told me. I looked for her all those years and they never told me she was in our backyard." 

"I'm sure she didn't know, Fox."

"My father was a perfectionist, Scully, but he never fixed the fence. I've had an idea that he was involved for a while. She told me before I left. They wanted information he had and took her. They said if he didn't tell them what he wanted, they would kill her. I was on my way home and the hospital called. A neighbour had seen her collapse outside." He smiled. It was a smile she didn't like.

"They killed Samantha, they killed my father, and now my mother. Soon they'll have the whole Mulder family." Scully, who was walking towards him, froze.

__

_Oh God, she thought. Oh God, no._

_"Fox? What do you mean?" Before he could reply, if he was even going to, there was a knock at the door._

_AD Skinner offered his condolences, said Fox's mother was a good person, yadda, yadda, yadda. He left and Scully went to their tiny kitchen to make herself a cup of tea._

_When she returned, Mulder had gone into the bedroom and was laying on the bed, one of his guns laying on the bedside table. She didn't recall it being there before they left the day before. She put her mug on the dresser and sat on the bed next to him, leaning over him, her hands either side of his chest. Her cross fell out between two buttons of her blouse. He reached up and held it._

_It was a relief to have him so close without pushing her away. She was afraid the demons that had begun to fade would return and the walls she had finally broken down would go back up. Now, though, she wished that had happened. She would rather fight with him for his love again, then fight with him for his life. She go fight him to get him to marry her. He had said she would be too close. That the people closest to him always got hurt, and that he'd failed to protect her before. Some fights she won and  
some she lost. She had to win this one._

_"You want to die because of what happened to Sam and because you've got no one left now that your mother and sister are dead, right?" He looked up at her. He look said she had hit it bang on. She took her chain from his hand and stood up._

_"I can understand how you would feel that way. You don't love me. You just married me to get in my pants. I'm just the chick you screw when you're in the mood." He sprung up quickly, but spoke quietly and ran his hand through her hair, closing his eyes--perhaps so she couldn't read them._

_"Dana I love you. I could never show you how much."_

_"Yes you can." He opened his eyes and looked into hers. "Show me how much you love me by living for me." She continued before he could refuse. "If you don't love me enough, live for Samantha. If you die, who would remember her?" He sat back down on the bed and Scully watched him reached for the gun._

_Oh God, she thought. Perhaps he didn't care if anyone remembered her. Maybe he thought he could see her, just one last time--to tell her he was sorry in person, to know if she forgave him. If fighting didn't' work, she would beg._

_As she fell to her knees on the floor in front of him, she realized she had never seen this gun before. It wasn't FBI issued--too old. It looked like something she had seen in an old mid-70's--_

_It was his father's. It was the gun he had tried to load that night before being paralyzed with fear. She wanted to wrestle him for the gun but knew if she were to get shot in the struggle, even if she wasn't' killed, it would drive him over the edge, and no amount of begging or fighting or conning would stop him._

_"Fox, please. We need you."_

_"I'm sorry, Dana. I can't live with it--what they did to her. I should have stopped them." He bent to kiss her, and as he did so, the gun crept to his temple. It was the last time they would ever kiss, and she returned it as such. He hadn't heard what she said, or if he did, he didn't care. She knew no matter how much she loved him, he had not loved her enough to live. She saw him pull the trigger and quickly squeezed her eyes shut and covered her ears. But she still heard herself scream when she heard the shot and he stopped kissing her. She knew his blood was on her. She knew he had pulled the trigger and that death and broken the kiss. She knew she to open her eyes and face like without Fox Mulder, but she didn't know if she could._

_Before she opened her eyes, she tried to convince herself that she was the first on a crime scene, that the dead man lying in front of her was a John Doe, not the man she loved. That the blood and brain--_

_"Dana?" Scully opened her eyes. Fox was in front of her. His father's gun was lying on the floor. He looked white as a ghost. That was because he was a ghost._

_she told herself. She shook her head as Mulder helped her to their bed._

_"What--I thought you had--" he knew what she thought._

_"It's okay, I know." He held her close._

_"Why?"_

_"I started to pull the trigger, then realized you said 'we need you' instead of 'I need you'. What did you mean?" She looked away, still not sure what he would do. He was so fragile now, she was scared of everything she did and said._

_"I didn't want to tell you now. I wasn't sure if the knowledge would help or not. I still don't." She looked into his hazel eyes. They were the same as before. "You can't leave me because. . ." How was she going to tell him? She looked down and kicked the gun under the bed. It didn't go unnoticed by Mulder._

_He brushed away tears that had started to fall down her cheeks s they kissed--one they had both thought would be their last. He kissed her, to reassure her he was still there--she still looked as if she were looking at a ghost. If he had realized even a millisecond later what she had said, that's what he would have been._

_"Fox, if you don't love me enough to live for me, that's fine, but know this: I can't live without you, and if I can't live, then neither can your child." He smiled. God, she loved that smile._

_"Dana, I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry you think don't love you enough. The truth is, I love you more than my own life. I wanted to save you from my own guilt. Most of all, I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry I failed you so many times." She turned to him and looked in his eyes. There was so much pain and guilt in those hazel eyes, but she lost herself for a moment in what else she saw there._

_"What made you change your mind?" She asked din a whisper._

_"Actually, I haven't. I wish it would go--the pain. I see how much it hurts you sometimes to look in my eyes. I would have done it. But I thought, this is my last chance. Maybe I won't screw up with her."_

_"Her?" She was surprised._

_"Yeah. I figured it's got to be a girl. You know--the reincarnation of our sisters in our kid. Actually, it would be transmigration of the soul. The only person who was ever really reincarnated was Christ." Scully laughed. She thought to herself. "I figure--Melissa Samantha Mulder. But she better not be into that weird psychic stuff like your sister, or else." Scully smiled._

_"Actually, I think Samantha Melissa--there are still lots of people around to remember Missy."_

_"Okay." They lay down on the bed as the sun came up. Scully was still pale from the ordeal. She smiled as Mulder played with her hair. Some women used their pregnancies to keep their husbands with them, she had used their child to keep her husband alive._

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Notes: Here we are with the ritual 'translation of the title'. Don't ask me why I insist on using Latin titles, 'cause I honestly couldn't tell you.   
> Vivus means alive, or living. Also, I was lazy and researched absolutely nothing. Just be warned.


End file.
